Through a Season of Grief

To all of you who supported me with your comments or by knowing not to comment because there are no words that could be said to keep the grief from becoming internalized as part of who I now am. Thank you.

Today I will visit Freddie’s grave and post a photo.

Tomorrow I will post two photos of him opening one of his Christmas presents. He never opened any more.

Monday I will post one final time, the Eulogy/letter I wrote to him and read at the last Memorial Service.

Then I will only be around sometimes, not often. Maybe I will read your post, maybe not.

I cannot ask you to grieve with me through the rest of my life. I would ask that you not forget Freddie and his time here with us. He will always be alive as long as we remember.

I never wanted him to go. I miss him.


Last year I had 2 children. I was so thankful that both still lived. Freddie had planned to be home for Thanksgiving and had invited family and friends to come.

It was so far away and everyone had other plans and I daresay everyone thought, as I did, there would be time. There wasn’t.

The hospital had a decent meal for Thanksgiving dinner. I said to Freddie: we will have a good day. He gave that smile and agreed that we would have a good day. I do not remember if anyone came or called.

For one who had always written everything down, I had written little to nothing. I was too tired, too scared…I was losing the battle and refused to stop my rant at those who could not save him, even God.

I am so thankful I had 2 children. Jackie is here. Freddie’s spirit is strongly felt as we face this Thanksgiving without him.

Always remember to be thankful…for family near and far; friends old and new.

Freddie’s remains may be in the earth but he is very much alive within all the family and friends who remember him through stories told and retold…his humor, his intelligence, his love of life and all things space. His voice is heard.



Born on All Saints Day, November 1, 1994.

Died August 8, 2006 at home on the patio.

I put a fan to blow air on him to try to keep him cool. Dr. Jones came and as I held Laddie and told him he would be ok, he barked and looked at a bird in flight. He put his head down, looked at me, closed his eyes and slipped away.

I hope Laddie and Spunky have found Freddie.



It’s Okay

The poem did not come up. Goes with a memory I shared earlier.

Wordsmith's Desk

It’s okay, my friend from long ago,

Not to be as close as we were then.

Our different paths have taken us

To where we are today.

It’s okay, my friend from long ago,

To disagree more than we did before.

Life’s experiences give us the views

That we believe today.

It’s okay, my friend from long ago,

To walk together as we did then.

Our different thoughts won’t separate

The friends we’ve always been.

It’s okay, my friend from long ago,

To stop and visit now and then.

This place, this stone that marks my rest,

For friends will always remember when.

Copyright © 2012 LeRoy Dean All Rights Reserved

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