Unfinished thoughts

Two thousand and seventeen came in unnoticed. Two thousand and sixteen had slipped away unnoticed.  Life and living seemed a burden. My son had died wanting desperately to live.  What was left?

Anger at a God whom had created an imperfect world. He knew that choices and perspectives would shape the world we lived in. The choices we made shaped who we were and who our children would be. An imperfect sperm paired with a less than perfect egg created a child who was born with a birth defect. Not of God’s making; nature has a way of maintaining an imperfect Universe; a Universe  we make from choices.

God and the Universe watched. What would the perspective be of the life of this child.

This is my thought as I continue my journey. I do not want to write anymore about this today; maybe tomorrow, if I wake.



3 thoughts on “Unfinished thoughts

  1. All that you say could be true–an imperfect world, those who die still wanting to live. My heart aches for this. What if what comes after this is more beautiful and loving than what comes before? I do not know. But I wonder this, and sense this sometimes… not wanting to diminish your sorrow. But feeling something that does not diminish even a beautiful child… something precious, which never dies. Which we will someday join in joy, god willing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. His soul did not die and he is with me always. He knows how much I love him and we communicate in our way without words. I believe he is a perfect being now, without pain. One day I hope to be with him. I just wish I knew where heaven is located.

    However, in trying to make sense of all the why’s, not only for me but also for all the persons who are grieving in their own way, I feel that there may be a divine plan or a puzzle where all the pieces fit perfectly but until that puzzle is finished it is imperfect.

    Freddie’s puzzle is completed; mine is not, therefore I have all these jumbled pieces not fitting .

    This may not make any sense to anyone except me. I have read some excellent books that have shaped my thoughts and assuaged my anger and grief to a tolerable level.

    “Being Mortal”, “When Breath Becomes Air”, “A Wild Rank Place”, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” have all touched and taught me lessons about life and death and the way society responds to death of a child, young or mid life, differently than death of an older person.

    I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you for reading and commenting.


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