was a really different day. I saw an old friend whom I love dearly. Another friend helped me with scanning in 678mg of data to a CD. A senator’ s office was not staffed. Mailed off relevant updated material to a government agency. And then I broke. I ranted for about 30 minutes. It was as if the atoms had split the universe and there was so much sorry and blood and grief that I just broke.
My son is never coming back nor are 59 other souls going to go home. It makes my sorrow grow exponentially. Before I would have watched in horror but not have felt such devastating sorrow not only for me but also for all we have lost as a nation.
i wanted to cut down the trees, rip out the grass, destroy all the work I had down in my yard. Nothing mattered. There was no rhyme nor reason to my rant, there was only a huge hole reaching from here to eternity but I could not pass through. I felt trapped in ny body. I just wanted out.
i have no family here, maybe 2 friends, the rest would be passing acquaintances. You cannot go home again. You cannot turn off the memories. You do not like revisionist history. I know my truth. Some seem to rewrite that truth. My memories are flooding back in and it is just too much. I do not want to remember, I just want to go wherever I can find the answers to WHY.
I would not always choose to be alone but must days I am good with the silence of my home. I know there is no one coming or calling. I do what has to be done and eventually I will find a purpose.
I talk to Freddie every day, all day. I have to finish his story or my version of what happened last year, but first I have to find the glue that will hold me together to do so.
Life killed all my dreams. I killed all my dreams. My dreams are all gone. Where is the dreamer now? Where are the dreams?
My world changed forever last year. There is no way to change it back.
Dreams, memories, worlds within worlds and one lost soul crying in the wilderness of concrete roads and glass buildings.