I posted a lot of quotes. Today is not a good day for me. Depression tip toed around in my head all night and finally came out all dressed in black as I woke up to another gray day. Nothing unusual really happened. No that is not true. Something did happen and it is very sad for me.
I called the ophthalmologist a week ago today. I was told they would call me back (recording) in 24 hours. I guess it is still Wednesday in that office; but wait, I called Friday and a live human being said I would be called back before they left for the day…it is still Friday in that office. I call yesterday and the recording said the Practice Manager would get back to me. I believe none of this. I really like the surgeon, however, I am going to get a second opinion, after all, she was in practice with the doctor who did the damage to my eyes in the first place and the one who did not have the courage to turn him in or make a complaint on my behalf. He said: “You have never had glaucoma” but his partner, while he was out of town, performed surgery for Narrow Angular Glaucoma on both eyes. When my doctor got back he was upset but did not do anything, to my knowledge. When I told this current doctor I planned to write a letter of complaint to the Medical Board of Examiners (attorney stated the statue of limitations was past; I said I did not know the extent of the damaged until 2014, therefore, I thought it should be from discovery; he said no) she said please don’t do that. I guess not. She might also be implicated since she did my cataract surgery. Who knows?
My eyesight is deteriorating and these drops I use at night are having adverse affects on my overall health and no one will call me.
When one is old, one becomes invisible. I touch myself to make sure I am real. Living alone, I speak to all the people who are gone to know that I have a voice still. Little interaction ever occurs. I write to keep up my spirits and to know that I still have a brain; my heart may be damaged but not yet broken; courage is not lacking. I think I just need to go to Kansas.
I did get the small bottles from the kitchen window put away and cleaned the half bath, however at this rate I will never get through cleaning this house from top to bottom or vice versa. Why, you may ask is that important? It makes the day go by faster; it is good exercise; it keeps my mind occupied; it holds at bay the depression if I am busy.
Depression is a funny illness to have. There are no visible signs except the smile might not be as bright; the eyes may not sparkle when you smile because the smile does not reach that far up the face; your insides feel as if they are no longer part of your body; I kind of float away to parts unknown.
Perhaps at the end of the day, I can report on a good day.
I did drink the lemon water before breakfast and ate four tiny chocolate donuts with coffee and two teaspoons of coconut milk. The indigestion was not abated.
I think I shall eat soup for lunch but first the lemon water again.
For you I wish an ordinary day filled with friends and laughter.