My Day/Depression Again

I posted a lot of quotes. Today is not a good day for me. Depression tip toed around in my head all night and finally came out all dressed in black as I woke up to another gray day. Nothing unusual really happened. No that is not true. Something did happen and it is very sad for me.
I called the ophthalmologist a week ago today. I was told they would call me back (recording) in 24 hours. I guess it is still Wednesday in that office; but wait, I called Friday and a live human being said I would be called back before they left for the day…it is still Friday in that office. I call yesterday and the recording said the Practice Manager would get back to me. I believe none of this. I really like the surgeon, however, I am going to get a second opinion, after all, she was in practice with the doctor who did the damage to my eyes in the first place and the one who did not have the courage to turn him in or make a complaint on my behalf. He said: “You have never had glaucoma” but his partner, while he was out of town, performed surgery for Narrow Angular Glaucoma on both eyes. When my doctor got back he was upset but did not do anything, to my knowledge. When I told this current doctor I planned to write a letter of complaint to the Medical Board of Examiners (attorney stated the statue of limitations was past; I said I did not know the extent of the damaged until 2014, therefore, I thought it should be from discovery; he said no) she said please don’t do that. I guess not. She might also be implicated since she did my cataract surgery. Who knows?

My eyesight is deteriorating and these drops I use at night are having adverse affects on my overall health and no one will call me.

When one is old, one becomes invisible. I touch myself to make sure I am real. Living alone, I speak to all the people who are gone to know that I have a voice still. Little interaction ever occurs. I write to keep up my spirits and to know that I still have a brain; my heart may be damaged but not yet broken; courage is not lacking. I think I just need to go to Kansas.

I did get the small bottles from the kitchen window put away and cleaned the half bath, however at this rate I will never get through cleaning this house from top to bottom or vice versa. Why, you may ask is that important? It makes the day go by faster; it is good exercise; it keeps my mind occupied; it holds at bay the depression if I am busy.

Depression is a funny illness to have. There are no visible signs except the smile might not be as bright; the eyes may not sparkle when you smile because the smile does not reach that far up the face; your insides feel as if they are no longer part of your body; I kind of float away to parts unknown.

Perhaps at the end of the day, I can report on a good day.

I did drink the lemon water before breakfast and ate four tiny chocolate donuts with coffee and two teaspoons of coconut milk. The indigestion was not abated.

I think I shall eat soup for lunch but first the lemon water again.

For you I wish an ordinary day filled with friends and laughter.

10 thoughts on “My Day/Depression Again

  1. I haven’t been keeping up, sorry, but I’m sad that you feel like this and are having problems. I’m very blessed to say that depression soon leaves me – but not so with DH, so I understand how you feel. I trust that you will get the phone call you need and that your day becomes brighter. (((hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry to hear you’ve got eye troubles … even more sorry to hear that you haven’t received a call-back. Maybe they’re afraid of you since you mentioned writing the letter. I personally feel you should get a second opinion. Did you go to the Eye Center to have the surgery? That’s where Jack and I go. I hope you go soon. Depression is pure hell.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, I went to The Eye Center. Dr. Deriveau was the smart a.. Who damaged my eyes. Dr. Hindman was the one who would not complain. Dr. McCoy was the surgeon who did the cataract surgery. I do not think I would ever go back in that building.
    I am looking for somewhere to go for a second opinion. I may change doctors completely.
    I may go somewhere out of town. I am paranoid enough to think that a lot of doctors would do me harm for my past endeavors here in this town.
    I wish I had moved a long time ago. Not to run away, but to start over where no one knew my name.
    Thanks for the support.


  4. Miss L. Don’t know that you’ve read my blog of late, but I’m in the middle of this HUGE move from Florida to Illinois. I haven’t had much time to read other blogs, and if I do, I only have time to click like. However, I saw this one in my email box and wanted to give you a hug. I know what invisible feels like. I’ve dealt with it ever since we couldn’t have children. You aren’t invisible to me. I see and hear you loud and clear, even through the internet, and I’m grateful to have found you in the web-o-sphere.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lori,
      I read all your latest blog post trying to find out if you had moved. I finally found that post. I am so glad that you are “home again”. It is a good day when I hear from you, my friend!

      Will be happy when you have time to write.


      Liked by 1 person

    1. The drops I use to put in at night, I was allergic to. I am doing much better. My eyes got better once the stuff was out of my system and the blue is coming back I was going blind in that eye (left) or both.


Voice your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s