Shame, Guilt, Regrets and other Trolls under the Bridge called Life

Dear Kathy writes beautiful essays; provocative thoughts that one can chew on, muse about the meaning and how it might bring about change in their life if put into play.

I write.

Some of my thoughts are thus:

without guilt there are no regrets….no opportunity to ponder how to not only forgive yourself but also how to ask for forgiveness.

without shame to hide then what can you worry about?

All you have done is to keep making this shamefully ultra bad secret a troll under your exterior or bridge of life.

i am ashamed of many things I have done; yes, I feel guilt, remorse….what to do?

if I should reveal myself to the person I feel I have desecrated would they remember the same incident as I do? Would their truth be different from mine. What if they did not want to remember? What if they did not want to forgive?

then there is the inevitable depression while you ponder how to “fix” it.

what to do? More shame at failing, more guilt, more regrets, the never ending cycle.

therefore, I admit what I have done, apologize and quietly murmur to myself as I tromp over the bridge, “that ship has sailed,”

16 thoughts on “Shame, Guilt, Regrets and other Trolls under the Bridge called Life”

    1. Years ago, I was in a 12 step program (al-anon). Step 5 is two confess to ourselves, God and one other person our wrongs. This helps us to release it. Step 9 is to make amends to those we hurt, but only if it doesn’t dredge up bad stuff. From there, all we can do is move forward and know we aren’t going to be perfect. We might still make mistakes, but we can always take care of it right then and there. Not that you need 12 steps, it’s just a metaphor for what you are doing. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I would not mind being part of that program, but I do not think they would let me in. Something structured sometimes help the unstructured structure what is tangled all up in the unstructured :). That was fun to write.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. This is great, Linda. Glad I didn’t miss this! I am still in awe and amazement how feeling that repressed pocket of shame this week has opened my heart more. Have been able to be in the present moment much more easily–and to experience emotions as they arise without pushing away. It’s not that I didn’t feel shame, guilt or regret before. It’s that I didn’t feel them completely without turning away.

    Not sure that it’s necessary to re-hash things, apologize, etc. with other people. (Sometimes it may be and only we can figure that out.) I do believe it’s helpful to make peace and forgive ourselves. That is a golden gift indeed.

    Thanks again for posting your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My problem was/is that I could not forgive myself and thought that if I expressed my feelings, that perhaps I would be forgiven. Does not always work that way. Some people are not ready to hear you are sorry or that you even exist in this world…I learned then that it was most important to forgive myself and move on.
      Thank you for reading and for giving me the incentive to try to express my thoughts in my simple way.
      You never know how far out your words ripple!

      Like

  2. Fall Greetings, Kathy!
    Lordy, Lordy I have been busy….the yard, the house, selling a car, doctor’s appointments, looking on line for an apartment in Boston…training for the November 4 election. Have been called back “to fix” another precinct.

    I would imagine your list is longer than mine…I saw you were off line and assumed life had grabbed you up in duties, tiring you out, numbing your mind.

    Hope all are well.

    Thanks for the note….
    Linda

    Like

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