A Roach and A Rat

She awoke early on Friday; today she would have her photo made and buy a new car tag. All the documents were in order to take to the License Director.

After taking a shower she was blow drying her hair when a big fat wood roach landed on the bathroom counter beside her lamp. She actually thinks he landed on her and then on the counter. Taking the hair dryer she kept blowing the big brown roach around until she got him in the lavatory where she tried to drown the poor roach who was only trying to find a warm nesting place, however, they do carry a lot of bad things, she thinks. The water all runs out and its little legs are still moving (being on its back), she grabs up some toilet paper and scoops him up and flushes him down the commode. By this time her hair was dry and did not look at all like she wanted it to look.

Gathering up her documents (after eating the usual rye bread with peanut butter) and the requisite cup of black coffee, she exited the back door into the garage and proceeded the half mile down the street to start the process. Being the first one there she chose the clerk who looked the oldest thinking they would know more. Alas, this person was in training so the supervisory had to help, but I do get ahead of myself. She asked if she could have her photo for her license made first, she said, while she was still smiling. They agreed making sure she had the cash to pay for the renewal of the driver’s license. Of course, she had the cash. After the Target debacle, she is back to paying cash for everything. They had to make the photo twice because the first one she had her eyes closed; the second one, in my observer’s opinion should have been remade too. It looks like she has a Mohawk, but they assured her no one ever looked at driver’s license photos and they had seen worse (I wonder where).

She gave them the title to the car; the name change from the Court and the insurance card. She had to buy a tag for 2 weeks costing three dollars and seventeen cents; buy a tag for those two weeks and pay to have the title changed from one name to another. This all took about one hour and fifteen minutes.

She had an appointment to be at the new Exercise place at 11 a.m. Finishing up with the tag and driver’s license stuff she goes outside to find she has a citation for parking in a handicap space. Now we know she has a few mental problems, however, she actually has a handicap tag because her left knee is bone on bone and hurts sometimes. She had taken in the hanging tag to exchange it for a handicap tag, therefore, there was nothing on the car to say the car or her were handicapped. Back in she goes to ask for help and they said to call the municipal court building. This she does and was told to bring it on down to the Municipal building that he was at “the window” and would waive the fee for her. By this time she knows she is going to miss her appointment but with luck she could spin on down and get this taken care of since the man was “at the window”. She thinks it is like a drive through.

She gets to the municipal building and goes in. OOPS she is in the county jail with the prisoners. Once again she has the handicap hanging thingy in her hand; an officer is going out but she grabs him and ask him to please not to give her another citation that she already has one and is trying to find the man at the window to waive the fee for her. The officer laughs and states he would not give her a ticket; that she was in the wrong building and needed to go to the building with the mushroom on top. He pointed it out to her. She asked about the window, but alas, there is no drive through window; she would have to go inside.

She goes to this building and finds that she has to almost strip to pass through the metal detector to get to the window where there is a man but there were also some women. The line is kinda long and she observes the lady of the night in her very high heels who is “bonding out”; the wife who is paying over three hundred dollars for her husband who was going 90 in a 45 mile speed zone (and she thought going 85 in a 60 mile speed zone was fast) and finally the young lady, after hearing her story takes the citation and the handicapped hanging thingy and makes a copy and gives it back to her (she did not park in a handicap spot to conduct this business.)

It is now 11 a.m. so she calls her neighbor and ask if she would look up the number to the Exercise place; she was given a number to call; she called the number and got some young lady on the other line who stopped her laughing saying it was a good story but they were a store that sold exercise equipment and could not help her.

She proceeded to go to the place to apologize; getting there at 11:25 a.m. She explained the situation and the young man laughed and said it was a good story and rescheduled her for Monday afternoon, as well as a telephone number to call in case “something came up” again.

She left there and went to Sam’s to get a bra hearing that they had one that was really comfortable. Her knee was really hurting and popping. She walked back and forth looking for things that were small and not enough to feed an army. Of course, this was not the kind of place a Sam’s is but in desperation she went one last time across the store to see if they had ginger ale. That was the last straw. No ginger ale; a lady asked if she were going to have knee surgery because she could hear the cracking of the knee and then proceeded to tell her if she fell she would not be able to get up if she had knee replacement; she would need help getting up. Living alone this would not be good she thought as she once again looked for butter beans to no avail. Not even a large bag. This was becoming a true nightmare.

When the lady at checkout asked if she found everything o.k. she said “No” and the lady made the mistake of asking her what she did not find and she proceeded to name off all the things she had not found; the manager was listening; the line was getting longer; and then the lady wanted to know if customer service had been o.k. and she said “What customer service?” “There was none…there were customers helping customers (she guessed) but there were no associates on the floor”.

She started toward the door; spied the Returns counter; proceed to go over to it and ask for a refund of her membership; the lady was startled but said they did guarantee 100% satisfaction and asked what was wrong. I asked if she wanted me to go back over my list with her; that I had spent $170 + dollars and had nothing but cake, bananas, and blueberries to eat. She said “no that was o.k.” and called for the manager because they very seldom ever refunded memberships. He came over. The same one who had heard her diatribe at the checkout counter, however, he never acknowledge that she was unhappy. She knew that she had once again become invisible. The refund clerk did suggest she go to WalMart to get smaller quantities and she stated she tried never to go to WalMart but found Dollar General and Target better for her needs. The clerk was astounded she would go to Dollar General.

She left Sam’s and headed for home; she stopped at the credit union to cash her $.31 cent Verizon check. They know her there and the first question she was asked if she were having surgery on her knees because they were popping so loud. She said “No” and proceeded to get her check cashed for $.31. The teller wanted to know why she had this check because she had cashed other checks for the same amount. She told the teller she did not have a clue. She received it in the mail and decided she would cash it because it was such a stupid thing for Verizon to send out $.31 checks that cost more to send than what they were sending.

Leaving there she went to Dollar General to get saltines Crackers, ginger ale and peanut butter not having bought the four boxes of crackers and the gallon of peanut butter at Sam’s and of course they had no ginger ale.

She told the manager there about her experience at Sam’s because she had left there with that one last parting remark. Having know this manager for a very long time, they had a good laugh. This time she truly was going home to put her leg up.

She pulled into the garage; got out to take her purse in before bringing in all the “stuff”. As she approached the back steps, lo and behold…..a dead rat in her way….so she backtracked and got some paper towels from the garage stash. Picked up the rat by its tail; opened the pedestrian door to dispose of the rat in the green trash bin.Coming back in she made sure she locked up because she thought it would be a long time before she went out again.

This was an awfully long day for her; she brought everything in; put it away; exercised her leg and vowed that she would live on whatever was in the house rather than go shopping again.

Having a live roach land on her to begin the day  and a dead rat blocking her entrance at the end of the day was just too much for one day.

16 thoughts on “A Roach and A Rat

  1. That was some day and I’ll bet you’re glad it’s over! It makes me angry that people were rude and kind of short with you. I wish I had been with you, as I would have gladly helped where I could.

    Stay in, stay cozy, enjoy the peanut butter and I say get that knee up and baby it. Take care, Linda!


    • Thank you for wanting to protect me from rude people, however that is life and I think I got in a few good punches, maybe? However, I did smile all the way through. Yep, glad to have that day lived and the knee is up!


  2. I’m sorry, I laughed at least six times during this story. This was really humorous! (Of course, do accept my apologies because it probably wasn’t funny at the time. But were you laughing as you wrote it? I do hope so.)


  3. I haven’t had such a good laugh all day! There are certain days, huh … they’re just doomed. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I’d had a roach encounter. Eeek! Sam’s is pretty much the same setup as Costco, I believe.


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