Disconnected

Robert Frost Cabin
Image by origamidon via Flickr

Monday driving to the Lab, I noted the gorgeous day and the feeling enveloping my body. I was disconnected. One might wonder how one gets disconnected. I attributed my feelings of being disconnected to living in a city of at least one-quarter million people and not belonging. Belonging to what? That was a tough question to answer because we all have the capacity to “join” organizations and groups. But which ones? What is your passion? I examined this as well and concluded that my passion had passed. I remembered all the many activities I engaged in during the vibrant young years and did not really want to go back. No one from these groups sought me out and I did not seek them out. What does this information give me? Perhaps one could extrapolate two things: They did not care enough about me to pick up the phone to call to find out…I did not care enough to pick up the phone and call them to find out…find out what? I thought of some of the people known in the past and wondered what had happened to them through the years. I wondered how my life might have been different had I not divorced the first time. I wondered if I would be sitting with those same “old” friends known so long ago having coffee and not sitting alone wherever I go…watching people trying to catch a fragment, a glimpse of what “normal” people are doing and wondering if they are “normal” or if I am the “normal” one. If I turn my head only slightly will I glimpse the soul  of the person or even perhaps the “shadow” of a soul I once knew who has died.

Birth and Death are singular occasions. We are born into a world of sound and light which we have to learn; there is no road map except the one our parents or parent or whomever provide for us.

We die without a road map to the hereafter. Many would argue this point stating that the Bible or other religious documents give us a road map. They might have been inspired by God; however, they are disguised in language that leaves one disconnected…does the soul leave the body and how does it reconnect after death? I would like to be told…you will stop breathing and walk calmly into a bright light at the end of a tunnel; over a beautiful bridge; board a canoe to have an angel paddle you to the further shore at which time you will be greeted by your loved ones. Your body will be young and strong again and you will live forever. But then I don’t know how to grasp the meaning of forever or infinity. Therefore, the disconnect.

Pretty much we travel through life without knowing for sure if we have taken the road we should have traveled. Of course, Robert Frost said it best and I am not really talking about the “Road Less Traveled”. I am speaking to the road we are traveling and where it may or may not have led.

Being disconnected, I painted my patio chairs a really loud yellow. They are very jarring to my senses since I recognize only black and white as colors. Today I will repaint them.

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11 thoughts on “Disconnected”

  2. I have always felt disconnected…from my family. From my earliest memories, I was the odd “man” out. To this day it’s the same. I think about that a lot too.

    Nice wonderings, Linda. Have a nice day.

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  4. As my life has turned on it’s head – or possibly I turned it on it’s head about 5 years ago, I’ve found a peace in the road less traveled. It didn’t lead where I expected, but the journey is compelling.
    Fascinating post. You don’t actually sound very black and white, although I get that there are days when yellow can be a bit too much.

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  5. Thank you, Debbie. I am not really an all black or all white person in my personal political perspectives; however, in paint my friends laugh and say I only recognize the two colors.

    Bright color on outdoor patio furniture jars my senses even though it might be the fad right now.

    Flowers provide the color for me.

    Thanks for reading and your comment.

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