Chocolate covered Rebel Raisins Rampage


Who would have ever thought that a fat, juicy, melt-in-your-mouth chocolate covered raisin would have been the beginning of the end. Historically speaking, a raisins function has been to grow fat, dry in the sun while sipping prune juice or, who knows, Bloody Mary’s, in preparation for making some raisin loving fanatic’s palette happy. This bunch of raisins were rebels through and through; not liking their parent tree, making derogatory remarks about the fertility or rather lack of fertility of the soil, their position on the branch, the rough handling of the picker; not enough room on the pallet while drying and certainly not enough liquids to drink because the servers were lazy and should be  fired. They even felt that the chocolate used for them was second-rate and no one would ever purchase them for enjoying. Little did they know that eventually they would end up as poop in some sewer and eventually used as fertilizer, if they were lucky

Anyhow, after the chocolate bath, the box did not seem elegant enough for the respected rebels and complain they did about the simple stupid fool who dreamed up such an inelegant package for them to live in until snack time in some hopefully elegant home. Of course, with their packaging, only poor folk or at best, middle class, would buy that simple, stupid, box and they felt they would never end up in an elegant Waterford Crystal candy dish (and indeed they never did).

The road trip was little better. The 18 wheeler broke down, was rough and jostled their delicate brown covers all the way to their prune juice filled tummy. Finally, after hours of traveling overland they arrived at their destination. Mind you, not at a Neiman Marcus or Saks Fifth Avenue but rather at a lowly Wal mart. Crowded in with their half brothers and sisters, the chocolate covered peanut was, at least,  on the top shelf and soon enough the rebel box got picked up.

A very neat guy one Saturday night asked his wife if she wanted anything to eat snack on while watching T. V.; he had stated he was getting among other things chocolate covered raisins. Assuming these would or were to be shared, she said “no”, nothing for her.

He unfortunately picked up the rebel box of raisins. While watching T. V. he offered his wife some, who accepted the vile things; he ate some as well and became contaminated with their rebel tongue. When his dear wife reached for more the rebel raisins spoke up from deep inside him and said “If you wanted some why didn’t you say so at the store.”

She in turn having been violated by the raisins rebelled by shutting up, pouting and vowing she would not ever eat anything of his again. Thus the beginning of the end of a great relationship because of the terrible rebel raising chocolate covered raisin rampage.


© 1983





4 thoughts on “Chocolate covered Rebel Raisins Rampage

  1. LOL that’s quite a story. How those nasty little rebels could set off a break-up of a good marriage!

    Hope those cashews we bought in Walmart today aren’t that evil minded…


  2. Refer to comment on other post.

    Add to that, I have so many ragged pieces of paper and I am trying to “wrap it all up” for my children.

    I wanted to write novels but never got “a round to it”. Home Depot was all sold out years ago and then they stopped making the kind I was looking for.


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