rain falling gently now

I do not sleep

Freddie said “I love to hear the rain” and I said “I do too.”

To walk through his house again to smell the smell of his house and the redwood trees to visualize him pushing his walker down the hall stopping briefly at the living room door where I slept on the couch to say “Mom I am sorry about the things I said last night.” and I would answer “I am sorry as well for my behavior. I love you.” and he would go into the kitchen to make his breakfast or take his medicine.

To see him feed his worms; work in his tomato pots on the gorgeous deck, in the sun; eat watermelon with his friend, Ron, who came for an hour each Wednesday. He did not have many visitors dropping by because of his illness.

I wish I had not said “Stop playing with your phone and try to sleep”

The phone was his connection to the world; I should have known because it was my connection to the world as well, then as now. Oh, that hind sight could be zero and present sight could be 20/20.

to hear him call me during the night “Mom, I am going to be sick”

to hold the basin and clean it after he vomited

to pull up the syringes for him even though I simple could not bring myself to give him the shot, rescue shot, in the abdomen. I wish I could have but it hurt me to much to think about it. My fear of hurting him. He hated giving himself the shop but he needed it to live.

i could have learned on an orange.

I must tell all the stories before I forget.  I have to write my way through this if I am going to live.

Intelligent or Beautiful



I want to be who I am. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and intelligence is hard to determine. One might ask: in what? chemistry? engineering? art? literature? languages? what?

One could be intelligent in one area and an absolute dummy in another so I choose neither because to some I am extremely intelligent and to others I may be beautiful and to others neither.

Do I care?


Being who you are makes you both intelligent and beautiful.

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Google, Facebook, Twitter, Egypt and Onward


Posted on FB. What shared responsibility do the three named above have for the revolution in Egypt and if it sours can responsibility be shifted equally to them?

Is this social networking? or is this world domination by these billionaires? I do not know. The talking heads of TV seem enamored with Zuckerberg, a robber baron, a thief if law suits are the sign that he stole from his friends.

Money makes media salivate. They assign intelligence to those who have money or fame. Money or Fame do not necessarily mean wisdom or intelligence.

Other revolutions will be staged across this region. Where does it end and who is asking who is behind this? Are the people being led like sheep to the shearers? Do they represent the entire population or just one segment of the population?

I would like to know where it all ends.

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i don’t like this place i am in someone took my credit card before i received it and activated same now i have to dispute the charges when it was not my fault nor is it the credit card companies fault the post office either lost or misplaced same or someone stole if from the mailbox the feeling of violation sits sour in my stomach  who would do this and why just deal with it and forget the violation the world is a wasteland of unintelligible thugs looking for intelligent life is a daunting everyday task machines are easier

some write beautiful prose and i love to read what they write in living in a man’s world i learned to bottom line the prose seems to elude me now

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A Rant


Did not post yesterday. Was totally uninspired. Tried to learn how to upload photos to my blog but I swear this is the most difficult blogging site I have ever encountered.

I may move everything from here to someplace else that is more user-friendly.

One person has looked at my blog. I think that is fine. I write to suit myself and not for anyone else. If they find this blog, fine. If not, that is o.k. as well.

I had hoped to write the great American novel when I was young. After reading some of the more recently acclaimed novels I am not so sure that I would want to write and be acclaimed because I found those same novels boring.

What happened to the great writers of yesteryear? Probably buried under all the blogs.

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Favorite word: Saskatchewan.  Sound.

Least favorite word: But. The meaning behind. Knowing that a “condition” is going to modify the earlier statement.

Neutral word: a. Don’t know why.

I was taught to “answer the question” and shut up.

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Carl Sagan


“Since, in the long run, every planetary civilization will be endangered by impacts from space, every surviving civilization is obliged to become spacefaring–not because of exploratory or romantic zeal, but for the most practical reason imaginable: staying alive… If our long-term survival is at stake, we have a basic responsibility to our species to venture to other worlds.”
Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994

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Gene Roddenberry


“Let me end with an explanation of why I believe the move into space to be a human imperative. It seems to me obvious in too many ways to need listing that we cannot much longer depend upon our planet’s relatively fragile ecosystem to handle the realities of the human tomorrow. Unless we turn human growth and energy toward the challenges and promises of space, our only other choice may be the awful risk, currently demonstrable, of stumbling into a cycle of fratricide and regression which could end all chances of our evolving further or of even surviving.”
Gene Roddenberry, Planetary Report Vol. 1, 1981

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Path of Social Change


Cycles of the Path of Social Change


Early Years
Feelings Engendered
Cycle Continues
We All Participate

I teach what I was taught; parent the way I was parented. What is normal? What are the Gender issues?

Cultural Space for each Identity

The ABC Approach

A.Affirming Identity
Students need to see themselves reflected in the environment around them – in the curriculum, faculty, staff, and the faces of their classmates – to avoid feelings of invisibility or marginality that can undermine student success. Welcome New Students. How do we affirm all the identities of everyone?

B.Building Community
Ask these questions:
1. Who is reflected in our environment?
2. Who is missing from the pictures?
3. What opportunities exist for building community?
4. What opportunities exist for encouraging dialogue across differences?

C.Cultivating Leadership
1. Requires opportunities to practice.
2. How are students, faculty, staff…

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A fictional place from the deep recesses of my brain.

As the night ended, Po watched the sun rising above Purpleborough Hill. He would call his little circus people together and ask them how they would like to take a trip. He knew that the night before had been only a vision, a dream of what could be if all his little circus people would help this Team with their skills, their laughter.

So, after feeding the farm animals, Po called all the little circus people together. He asked them if the circus train was ready for travel and they assured him that all the repairs were made. They sounded excited. Were they going to take a trip? This was their off season for performing so where was Po taking them?

Po explained how they had all seen the same vision the night before and he thought that they…

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life without an eraser


i have often wished i could have lived my life as a pencil with an eraser however life is lived without an eraser and that precludes a redo as we could with the wrong answer to a math problem there is no taking back the words that ripple across the winds of life through the leaves and on into the clouds to forever hang there saying oh yes you did say that with thoughts it is somewhat different but oftentimes thoughts will manifest in actions when least expected now in the last one-quarter of my life if i am lucky i am trying to imagine the eraser missing on the pencil before speaking it helps in thinking about erasers i can remember sometimes rubbing so hard a hole would appear in the place where the answer belonged and that meant starting all over no matter how hard we rub there…

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