Rain

rain falling gently now

I do not sleep

Freddie said “I love to hear the rain” and I said “I do too.”

To walk through his house again to smell the smell of his house and the redwood trees to visualize him pushing his walker down the hall stopping briefly at the living room door where I slept on the couch to say “Mom I am sorry about the things I said last night.” and I would answer “I am sorry as well for my behavior. I love you.” and he would go into the kitchen to make his breakfast or take his medicine.

To see him feed his worms; work in his tomato pots on the gorgeous deck, in the sun; eat watermelon with his friend, Ron, who came for an hour each Wednesday. He did not have many visitors dropping by because of his illness.

I wish I had not said “Stop playing with your phone and try to sleep”

The phone was his connection to the world; I should have known because it was my connection to the world as well, then as now. Oh, that hind sight could be zero and present sight could be 20/20.

to hear him call me during the night “Mom, I am going to be sick”

to hold the basin and clean it after he vomited

to pull up the syringes for him even though I simple could not bring myself to give him the shot, rescue shot, in the abdomen. I wish I could have but it hurt me to much to think about it. My fear of hurting him. He hated giving himself the shop but he needed it to live.

i could have learned on an orange.

I must tell all the stories before I forget.  I have to write my way through this if I am going to live.

Stephen Hawking

Hawking invoked the name of God in his seminal book A Brief History of Time, writing that if physicists could find a “theory of everything” — that is, a cohesive explanation for how the universe works — they would glimpse “the mind of God.”

But in later interviews and writings, such as 2010’s The Grand Design, which he co-wrote with Leonard Mlodinow, Hawking clarified that he wasn’t referring to a creator in the traditional sense.

“Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist,” he wrote in The Grand Design. “It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going.”

Using language about God, Hawking told TIME after the book’s release, is more figurative than literal.

“God is the name people give to the reason we are here,” he said. “But I think that reason is the laws of physics rather than someone with whom one can have a personal relationship. An impersonal God.”
Hawking considered himself an atheist

Hawking spoke more plainly about his thoughts on God in an interview with Spanish publication El Mundo.

“Before we understand science, it is natural to believe that God created the universe. But now science offers a more convincing explanation,” he said. “What I meant by ‘we would know the mind of God’ is, we would know everything that God would know, if there were a God, which there isn’t. I’m an atheist.”
But still thought the universe had meaning

Though Hawking rejected the conventional notion of God or a creator, he fundamentally believed that the universe and life have meaning, according to the New York Times.

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist,” Hawking said of the meaning of life. “Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.”

Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie.ducharme@time.com.

Carl Sagan

Billions & Billions: Thoughts on Life and Death at the Brink of the Millennium.

“I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But as much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. I want to grow really old with my wife, Annie, whom I dearly love. I want to see my younger children grow up and to play a role in their character and intellectual development. I want to meet still unconceived grandchildren. There are scientific problems whose outcomes I long to witness—such as the exploration of many of the worlds in our Solar System and the search for life elsewhere. I want to learn how major trends in human history, both hopeful and worrisome, work themselves out: the dangers and promise of our technology, say; the emancipation of women; the growing political, economic, and technological ascendancy of China; interstellar flight. If there were life after death, I might, no matter when I die, satisfy most of these deep curiosities and longings. But if death is nothing more than an endless dreamless sleep, this is a forlorn hope. Maybe this perspective has given me a little extra motivation to stay alive. The world is so exquisite, with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better, it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look Death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides.”

Steve Jobs

From Steve Jobs Deathbed:

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.  In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.  However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important: Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …
Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.  The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.  What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.  Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.
What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …  You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.
Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.” – Steve Jobs

 

Yours in good and loving health, Kev

Trying to start over

Today I am still in Boston. I sit and think about everything and nothing.

A deer came into the yard to eat the apples. A huge hawk swooped down and frightened the deer who ran down the hill and watched from under other big trees. Then the deer decided to leave, I missed the leaving part.

Later, when Jackie and T returned from soccer, Jackie ran from the back door and out the front door. I did not know what was happening so I put my shoes on to go out and see. Unfortunately, a squirrel had fallen out a big pine tree and splattered his little brains on the driveway.

Jackie took him down in the woods while we all said “poor little thing” and got back to our individual lives.

They are all gone again to soccer and basketball. Rain is moving in and I opted to stay put and get ready to go back to the City of Apollo, Huntsville, AL., my home for 50 years now. I missed all the dancing on the streets.

I met VonBraun once. I was the Lyceum Director for Delta State and booked people in for events.VonBraun was one of those people. He was very handsome and articulate. One of my claims to fame.

So another day ends.

Raggedy Ann Dolls

purpleborough

My Mom was a Mom. She made our clothes, she kept a garden to feed us in cold winter months when nothing grew, she hoed in the fields, she gave us perms (even though mine always frizzed, it looked better than a straight board), she had cookies waiting when we got off the school bus from school, she helped with lessons by lamplight and saved her egg money to give us piano lessons.

I do not remember her saying “I love you” that was a given. I do not remember hugs; I remember being switched when I misbehaved, which was a whole lot. I had to do chores, i.e. like slop the pigs, bring in the eggs from the chicken boxes, go get the lead cow to bring the cows home, bring in the wood for the stove, help with the dishes after supper, as we called it back then…

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Raggedy Ann Dolls

Raggedy Ann Dolls

https://purpleborough.wordpress.com/2017/05/14/raggedy-ann-dolls/
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Helpful Hint

Capricorn’s speak fluent sarcasm and abhor stupidity.

The Universe is in an uproar.

What does this mean for you?

Main suggestion: Avoid Capricorn’s and watch the Ubiquitous Universe.

Stories

The stories are written in my head. To hard to put pen to paper these days. Each one lived in yesterday’s forgotten life. “I can’t write anymore,” he said. And now I know what he meant. Life is lived, not written. Sometimes remembered; sometimes forgotten.